Coffee Stained Lens: Holding onto the Moments

Holding onto what we have, I take my coffee to the car for a morning drive. With every bump, I did what I could do to not spill. Unfortunately, when you don’t have a whole lot of experience and still learning, you end up spilling a little. That goes for everything though, doesn’t it?

On the drive, my partner in crime and I talked about how T.V. News anchors and their guests are describing that they feel like their walking through concrete or cement. I nodded my head as he talks about how that reminded him how far he’s came with his depression and how that was at one point a normal feeling for him. I took a sip of my coffee at the light and took his words in.

At first, this situation exasperated my anxiety disorder, but now I’m weirdly at peace. I say weirdly because I haven’t been this calm in a long time. Like, really calm. Like, I sat outside the other day and didn’t touch my phone calm. Just sat there staring out into the road, letting the sun embrace my body in its warmth. Life is weird right now, and if I start to think about the future, I might lose that peace within me. So, for right now, I’m doing everything I can to keep it.

There is only so much we can all control. We can control ourselves and our actions, but we can’t really control anything else. We can’t control our feelings, we can only control what we do with them. You can’t control your significant others’ or your friend’s feelings; you can only control how you react to them. We have a communal responsibility to educate, encourage, support, and take care of each other to the best of our ability, and that looks different for everybody.  So instead of thinking about the next step or the next move, I’m staying still. Focusing on what I can do in the moment. And in the moment this morning after breakfast, we went for a drive. And the moment afterwards, I exercised. In this moment, I’m writing.

I’m not an expert on how to handle your stress and anxiety, especially if you’re on the front lines or still have to work. The only advice that I can give as someone that has felt that feeling of walking in concrete, check in with yourself and do what you gotta do-set yourself a routine, make small goals everyday(or every week), intentionally talk to someone, seek a mental health professional, remove yourself from Facebook for a little while, spend some quality time with nature, etc. (Psst… It doesn’t hurt to use this time to appreciate others and give in to the silly moments like putting paper hearts on your windows for your neighbors to look at.)

Happy Caffeination, Friends! Stay healthy, safe and be kind!

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